


A Cemetery Lurk

by killerweasel



Series: Unexpected Guest [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV Series)
Genre: M/M, Maggot Husbands (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21576616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: It's been a while since they've had a good cemetery lurk.
Relationships: Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens)
Series: Unexpected Guest [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1513961
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	A Cemetery Lurk

Title: A Cemetery Lurk  
Fandom: Good Omens (TV Series)  
Characters: Hastur, Ligur, Aziraphale  
Pairings: Aziraphale/Crowley, Hastur/Ligur  
Word Count: 855  
Rating: PG  
A/N: After Episode 6.  
Summary: It's been a while since they've had a good cemetery lurk.

“You sure you’re up to this, Ligur?” Hastur glanced at the other demon out of the corner of his eye. “You haven’t been back very long.”

The chameleon on Ligur’s head shifted to a bright red to match his eyes. “Stop asking me if I’m fine!” He winced when Hastur flinched backward at the outburst. “Sorry. Everyone keeps treating me like I’m breakable. I was wiped from existence by Holy Water, but the Antichrist brought me back.” Ligur pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I can’t handle it, I will let you know when we get there. Okay?”

“Okay.” Hastur reached up, running his fingers along the chameleon’s back and tail. The color faded from red to a dull green again. “Didn’t mean to make you upset.” He sighed, leaning against Ligur’s shoulder. “Missed you, you know.”

“I know, love.” Ligur grabbed Hastur’s hand, brought it up to his mouth, and kissed it gently. “Now, how about we get this done? And maybe we can swing by the angel’s place on the way back to Below. I like those little cakes he has.”

\---

The sun has just sunk below the horizon as they approach what used to be a fancy mausoleum. The marble building is now a ruin in an untended and long-forgotten cemetery. Hastur studied what used to be the door. With a snap of his fingers a new entryway appeared in the rock.

Another snap, this time from Ligur, and a ball of Hellfire was lighting their way inside to the far wall. A single coffin was resting on a stone shelf. As Ligur held out a hand, a smile spread across his face. “Oh, this is going to be so much fun. I think you may have outdone yourself this time, Hastur.”

Hastur beamed at the praise. “Humans think they’re so clever, but most of the time they just screw themselves over by not looking at the big picture.” He smacked his hand on the top of the coffin. “This is Sir Reginald Listenbee. Decided to trade his soul for fame. Didn’t even have to tempt him. He used the blood from his family, which he murdered by poison, to make my summoning circle. Also killed all the servants so no one would know about what he’d done.”

Ligur helped Hastur shove the stone lid to the ground where it shattered into dust at their feet. “Oh, bless me, he’s a right mess. Don’t think they bothered preserving him at all. And just look at his neck. Must have hung the bastard until he stopped kicking.”

“Being as he never specified as to how he’d gain his fame, I was a bit creative. I just focused him towards what he was clearly good at. They called him ‘The Murderous Monster’. The authorities finally found him lurking outside of some noblewoman’s place and strung him up. They think he killed two dozen people, but I know it was almost twice that many.”

Hastur stuck his hand into the coffin, rooted around for a moment, and then pulled out a skull. “Wake up, Reggie. It’s finally time to go.” He tossed he skull into the middle of the room. There was a flash and a shimmering outline of a gaunt-looking man appeared. The man wrapped his arms around his body and began to shriek in terror.

“See, Reggie here wasn’t very bright. He said his soul would come to Hell ‘two hundred years after his death’. Never put any thought into where it was until then.” Hastur’s laugh echoed around the room. “He’s been trapped in his corporation as it rotted around him for almost two hundred and fifty years! Dagon’s going to have fun playing with him.”

Ligur walked over to the soul and jabbed it in the forehead with his finger. It fell silent, but clawed at its face and limbs. “Stop it, Reggie. You brought this on yourself and it’s going to get much worse when we get where we’re going. Just wait until you have a body to hurt again.” He grabbed the soul by the right arm and Hastur took the left.

“But first, we’re going to see a friend. And if you don’t behave while we’re there, I will personally skin you alive and let the Hellhounds eat all your soft bits.” Hastur tightened his grip. “Do you understand?” He waited until the soul nodded before snapping his fingers.

\---

“As much as I like to see you gentlemen, I’m going to have to ask you to stop by without souls of the damned in the future. It’s rather disconcerting to watch him try to tear off his own face while I’m trying to eat.” Aziraphale straightened his bow tie and was glad Crowley had taken the Bentley for a drive.

“Sorry about that, Aziraphale. We did warn him to behave.” Hastur grabbed the soul by the back of the neck and gave it a shake. “He’s got a date with a pack of Hellhounds now.”

Ligur finished the cake he’d been eating. “Next time we’ll come here first.”

“Yes.” The angel cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re back to your old routines. Well, you know what I mean. Stop by any time.” He walked them to the door. The moment the Dukes left, he sagged against the wall. “Demons.” He shook his head and went to clean up the table.


End file.
